One Year

One year ago today, I received a call from my doctor asking if Dan and I could come into the office ASAP. One year ago today we sat in her office and I blatantly asked if I had cancer because she was describing things, but not using the word. One year ago today our world turned upside down.

This past year has seemed to crawl by. It seems like ages ago Dan and I were traveling to Seattle and Houston to decide my treatment plan. Chemo and radiation seem like a distant memory from years past, not something I just went through six months ago.

Today though, I am spending the day biking around Montevideo with Dan and spending time with his mom and stepdad. I thought by this point we would have a six-month old taking over our life, but instead it’s just me and Dan. Life may not be where I thought it would at 33, but I’m taking what I have and trying to make the most of it.

I feel better and am getting stronger. I recently ran 5.5 miles at a 9:18 pace, then ran three miles under a 9 minute pace the next day. I’ve started doing spin, yoga, hot yoga, and rock climbing.

Dan and I have booked a trip to Europe over Christmas and will have that to look forward to once we’re back from South America. While Dan and I have traveled a lot this past year, minus a work trip to Boston, everything has been for health reasons. We haven’t seen his siblings in over a year since his youngest sister got married last September. We’re hoping to meet up with them, his dad, and stepmom in Seattle in April, and we’ll be doing a week in Hawaii to celebrate his stepmom’s birthday.

We’re trying very hard to make up for all that was lost last year. While I know nothing will take away the pain that we have gone through, trying to enjoy what we do have helps to ease some of it. Here’s looking to future adventures.

XOXO,

Gossett Girl

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Monday Giggles

My sorority and now cancer-sister sent me this last week. It made me giggle uncontrollably in front of friends at a wine bar and they wanted me to share what was so funny. They didn’t get it. Neither did my best friend. It must be a cancer thing.

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As a huge Potter-head/nerd I loved this more than anything. Gryffindor forever!

XOXO,

Gossett Girl

Three Month Check-up

I got back from a quick Seattle trip late last night (early this morning technically). I had my three month follow-up with Dr. Goff’s nurse practitioner. The exam was short, fast, and only slightly painful. The exam was good though, nothing out of sorts. It’s always nerve-wrecking going into these things. My next follow-up is in April, when I’ll do another scan.

Less than two years to go of every three month check-ups. I’m looking forward to that time! While I love visiting my friends in Seattle, it’d be nice to use that airplane ticket to go somewhere else… We haven’t visited family in almost a year. The only trip we went on last year (minus NYC which was planned before pregnancy and cancer) was to Boston, and that was tacking on to my work trip. We’re headed to South America next month and can’t wait for that trip to happen.

I went out for a friend’s birthday on Saturday, and after a few too many drinks, I broke down crying. I have been so stressed out over last year and lost my ability to cry things out. While I feel bad for crying to all my friends (and being a hot mess), I woke up Sunday with a weight off my shoulders. It was nice to get all that emotion out. Though, it would be nicer if I could cry like I used to instead of holding everything in. I used to be one of those people who cried at the smallest things like commercials. I’ve found myself to be more cynical after last year and having trouble with letting go of emotions (unless apparently there is wine involved).

I am hoping to return to my old self, even if it means going back to silly things like crying at Google and Maxwell House commercials. 2018 is already starting to look up, so I’m hopeful that the old Gina will return.

XOXO,

Gossett Girl

Hello 2018!

Happy New Year! As with everything I do, this message comes a little late. But at least it showed up, right? I hope you had a great Christmas and New Year. I had time off between the two holidays and had grand plans for reading, cooking, blogging, and binge-watching Big Little Lies, but instead I got sucked into reading the new Dan Brown novel, Origin, and then began re-reading the Robert Langdon series. Should I have read something a little more thought-provoking? Maybe. But it was a fun way to finish out the year — A little European, art history adventure.

Dan and I hosted Christmas dinner for friends who were staying in Montana which was a fun evening filled with good food (crab over-nighted from Seattle!) and lots of wine and bourbon. New Years Eve was spent in Spokane at our new favorite bar, Durkins. We sipped French 75s and champagne all night. I may have fallen asleep at our hotel before the fireworks went off.

2017 was a horrible year, but it also brought a lot of support and love. I’m hopeful for 2018. I am going to try and spend this year enjoying life and doing more things. I want to make up for things that didn’t happen last year: travel, cooking, baking, reading, outdoor adventures, and more.

We are headed to South America next month, and are planning on running the Calgary marathon/half marathon (and hopefully the Lululemon SeaWheeze half marathon in Vancouver). We’re hoping for another big trip around Christmas as well. And of course, my every 3-month follow-ups in Seattle start up again next week. We’ve talked to family about doing a weekend meet-up in Seattle for one of these trips.

My friend gave me a Great British Bake Off calendar for my birthday, and I plan on making the baked good on the calendar each month. Great for dusting off my baking pans, maybe not so great for my waistline, but definitely worth it! I have also started borrowing cookbooks from the library to try different recipes. I was barely in the kitchen last year, and this year I’m going to make up for it.

As for reading, I should challenge myself to read books with a purpose. I love a good dystopian novel, perhaps throwing in a book about finance or self-betterment wouldn’t hurt. I’m also hoping to spend more time reading instead of watching TV shows that I don’t even like.

And finally, I’m sure outdoor adventures will come. Our love of trying new things and living in Montana, I have no fear we’ll get out and do things.

Here’s to a great 2018!

XOXO,

Gossett Girl

Thirty-three

Ever since I was little, I had always thought 32 would be my year. My mom had me the year she turned 32, and in my mind, I always thought I would be 32 when I had my own child. Life has a way of letting you know you’re not in charge, and obviously that didn’t happen.

Last year  we celebrated my birthday with an evening party, watched the Sounders win the MLS Cup, and I was pregnant and didn’t know it. This year we celebrated with brunch, and watched the Sounders lose the MLS Cup. We went XC skiing on my birthday again which is always a fun time.

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It was so cold I couldn’t do a real smile.

A year ago I thought we would possibly be celebrating as a little family. It was bittersweet to try and celebrate, but also wondering what could have been. I have definitely felt supported by all my friends this year, and that means a lot.

I’m hopeful for 33. I look forward to what it will bring. I already know we are going to South America and most likely Hawaii. We have a ton of Seattle trips planned, and it will be good to spend time with friends.

Goodbye 32, hello 33.

XOXO,

Gossett Girl

Giving Thanks

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving! We celebrated with two Thanksgiving dinners (that included a turkducken and prime rib plus the regular turkey and sides). I’m thankful that we have found so many friends here, we get to do two Thanksgivings! My jeans on the other hand, not so thankful.

We started the day with our local Turkey Trot, and I’m happy to say that I was able to run the three a 9:51 pace (while slightly hungover). That’s the fastest I’ve gone in a really long time. I ran four miles yesterday at a 9:40 pace, slowly getting faster! I’m definitely feeling it today though. I’m thankful for my body starting to finally pick-up the pace.

I had my follow up appointments on Friday with my hematologist and radiologists and they said everything looked good. My blood tests came back with a normal white blood cell count, meaning my immune system should be back to normal. My hematologist did say that it would take 6-12 for my hair to start growing back normally, and that it will take at least six months for my body to get back to working out normally. I’m thankful for normal test results!

I’m thankful for friends who have gotten me through this year. From those here in Montana who house/pet-sat at a drop of the hat when I was hospitalized and took care of us during my treatment, to those in Seattle who drove me everywhere and let us stay with them whenever we need to. I’m also thankful to friends from afar who offer a shoulder to cry on and thoughtful gifts to cheer us up.

I’m thankful for family who support and love us, taking care of us through treatment, and through all the awful things we’ve been through this year.

And most importantly, I’m thankful for Dan, who is an amazing support and rock through this. He has always been great at taking care of me, from donut and cereal runs during the pregnancy, to donut and cereal runs during treatment. Without him, I’d probably still be in a ball refusing to get out of bed.

Dan and I are especially thankful for our Gestational Carrier. Hopefully she is able to help us on our journey to becoming parents. We’re still in the holding stages on this part, but we’re thankful that she offered to give us this great gift.

And with that, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving, and are looking forward to a great holiday season!

XOXO,

Gossett Girl

Happy Halloween!

Santa and the Cereal Killer
Santa and the Cereal Killer

My original plan this Halloween was to be Moana, but alas, I was too late to the game and everything that was left online was only shipping in December, or more money than I wanted to spend on a costume. I really need to work on this procrastination thing.

I was trying to figure out if I could make a Moana costume (nope, not that talented), do Rosie the Riveter (it should be easy to find a red bandana, right?), or pull out one of two Halloween costumes I have: PBR fairy (though now it’s just fairy since I lost all the PBR things) or sexy Santa. That’s right, sexy Santa, the one costume I bought in college.

Since chemo helped me lose some weight this year, and I currently weigh less than I did in college (binge drinking and drunk eating really aren’t great for the body…), I thought, why  not turn lemons into lemonade and pull out my college costume?!? I paid good money for this costume, and pretty sure this is the last year “sexy anything” will be any part of my costume, so why not? I knew I couldn’t go full-force college costume though, so I tamed it down with flats, black tights, and a black sweater. A conservative sexy-Santa if you will.

We had a great Saturday night with friends. I started off riding in the Witches Brigade around town, then we went to a Halloween party, and ended up at the sketchy dive bar in town that everybody loves for dancing and bad-life choices. Tonight, we’re going to a friend’s house to pass out candy and I’ll be a yoga instructor, because we’re heading straight there after yoga, I’m lazy, and pretty sure my Santa costume is not kid-friendly.

When life gives you chemo, you pull out your sexy college costume. And make lemonade with lots of vodka.

Hope you have a Happy Halloween!

XOXO,

Gossett Girl

PMS-ing Without the Period

A couple of days ago I could feel myself starting to get cranky. I was disinterested in everything and getting annoyed at the smallest things. I was hungry and craving sugar. The next day, I snapped at Dan like I haven’t in almost a year, and got inexplicably angry about something dumb that isn’t worth mentioning (ok, it was because our Tablo was freezing during the American Ninja Warrior finale).

I haven’t had my period or PMS in almost a year, though there was a point last month where it felt like I might be PMS-ing.  It’s strange to get the symptoms, but not have any hard evidence that it’s that time of the month. Maybe I am just turning into a cranky old woman? Though the bloating and sugar craving makes me think otherwise.

I’m happy to know that pre-menopause hasn’t kicked in yet due to chemo, but it is a little strange to know that I’ll never have a period again. On a positive note, no more awkward moments of buying tampons and pads at the store?

XOXO,

Gossett Girl

Fork to Farm

Remember in my last post when I said it was way too smoky to workout? Well, apparently the weather gods were listening and now there is snow on the mountains a couple miles away and the temperature has been in the 40s. It’s so cold. What happened to fall???

After a couple days of rain and freezing cold, we got a quick reprieve on Sunday just in time for a 40-mile bike ride called Form to Farm. We rode around the Bitterroot Valley to four different farms where we got to tour each one (including farms where we get our CSA and milk from) and get snacks. It was a great ride, but exhausting. 40 miles is harder than one thinks. I thought I’d be ok with breaks in between, but man, were my legs tired. Luckily, one of my friends have ibuprofen and that helped me get through the last 15 miles.

The doctors told me working out wouldn’t be the same as before, and while I believed them, it’s still frustrating to live out. I can now run a mile without stopping, but it’s at an 11-minute pace. I can do a yoga class without going into child’s pose, but my body shakes while holding poses (ok, I’m pretty sure it did that before as well). We started doing spin class and I feel like I’m lagging behind everyone when we’re sprinting or trying to “climb that mountain.” At least I’m getting out there though, right? #smallvictories

I should actually be out for a run right now because the sun is out, there is blue sky mixed with clouds, and it’s 52-degrees. Instead I did some housework, prepped dinner, and am trying to keep this blog alive. I also think that I’m pms-ing right now, or supposed to be on my period because man, do I have that period feeling of lead-legs and exhaustion.

Here are some photos from Sunday’s ride. Mostly Dan eating food.

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Dan enjoying frittata at stop SweetRoot Farm (where we get our CSA box).
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Dan enjoying some local bread, passing on the ratatouille.
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Piglets!
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The cow our future milk will come from at Lifeline Farm.
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Last glimpse of summer.
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Local cheese and honey. But seriously, that cheese (from Tucker Farm and Lifeline).

XOXO,

Gossett Girl

Easing Back Into Working Out

It’s been two and a half weeks since my last chemo treatment and one week since my last radiation. I’m feeling pretty good and back to eating almost normal. I am not loving meat as much as I used to. I’ll eat a couple bites and then not able to do anymore. I had a moment of panic last week at a friend’s dinner when I tried red wine and thought it tasted horrible. I was devastated. I had been looking forward to red wine for months! But luckily the same friend came over last night and brought red wine and it was delicious. Whew. I still don’t like beer, but… I suppose that’s better for my waist line?

But back to the main topic; I’ve been trying to get back on the workout bandwagon. The first week after chemo I did a yoga class, and I’m pretty sure the instructor, a friend who knows what I’ve gone through, did a pretty easy class to help me ease back in. There was also only four people in class so it was easier. This past week though, class was full and it was pretty difficult. Near the end I started to feel faint and had to stop mid-pose to regain my composure and catch my breath.

I also went on a couple “runs” last week. I took Fred who stopped me every 3 minutes, and I had to do a run/walk combination, plus I could only go a little over a mile. The smoke has been really bad here lately, making it even harder to run and motivate myself to get out there. It’s slowly clearing out, so I might I try to give it a go today.

I have also been doing some biking which I’m new to. After years of owning my bike, I finally got it fitted this summer so I have better posture, and bought clip-ins so I have more power biking. The routes I’ve gone on have been around 13-16 miles at around 11-12 mph, which apparently  is slow. But whatever, I’m getting a good workout! My legs have been tired. On Wednesday I got home from a bike ride and was exhausted, and felt the sort of sick I get after a long run. It’s hard to remember that I’m not at the same fitness level as before.

It’s nice getting back to normal life. I can clean the house now, and do other things besides sit on the couch, curled in a ball watching tv. I spent yesterday evening prepping for a BBQ we’re hosting today, and three hours in the kitchen wore me out. My legs are still sore from all the standing and walking around! My weight has stayed the same, so now I’m just trying to tone everything, and as always, get rid of that extra pooge that hangs around my tummy and thighs.

Have a great Labor Day weekend!

XOXO,

Gossett Girl